The Delhi Metro Species

Anyone who has used the Delhi Metro for a substantial amount of time would agree that the millions who use Metro’s mostly-pleasant-sometimes-annoying services regularly can be broadly categorized into a mere handful of types.

The Seat-snatchers

Members of this species, which has an overwhelming majority of males, seem to have an aversion to standing, even if it is for just a couple of minutes. So they suspend their manners for some seconds when a train arrives on the platform and easily resort to pushing, pulling, jostling, scratching and even stepping over a couple of hapless innocents to grab that much-prized seat. If they are unable to succeed in this exercise, they go and stand in the corner sulkily, with their wild greedy eyes on the ones sitting.

The Agony Aunties

If traveling alone, this species finds itself utterly lost and miserable. Generally, its sari-clad overweight members fail to locate the elevators and then take atleast five and a half minutes to board the escalators. If they fail to walk up to the ladies’ coach or manage to not notice its existence, they board the general coach and stand with such wretched expressions on their faces that a couple of young boys readily get up to offer them their seats. If traveling in pair or groups, this species can be exceedingly noisy.

The Conversationists

This species has members with diverse behavioral characteristics. While some of them have an uncanny predisposition to share their personal problems with fellow commuters by either talking rather passionately on phone or through direct forcefully-initiated conversations, some of them are budding editors who think that the world is interested in their opinions and therefore can’t wait to share them with others (during the recent Anna-mania days, these members had a ball of a time).

Other members of this group are rather young and travel in groups. They stand or even sit together in the space between the coaches and indulge in stimulating and lively discussions. If the group is predominantly male, expect to hear some colorful expletives. If it is predominantly female, expect an ample volume of giggles, screams and ‘awwws’.

The Aesthetes

This metro species is found in abundance and predominantly consists of music enthusiasts who have earphones plugged tightly into their eardrums. If you stand close enough to them, you can expect to hear a muffled version of the latest item number or the soundtrack of Salman Khan’s current blockbuster. Some of them can even be observed giving an impromptu karaoke or restrained dance performance.

Other members of this species are lost in literature. Either the morning newspaper or the latest Chetan Bhagat bestseller is opened before them. The Seat-snatchers and The Agony Aunties can be often observed staring disbelievingly at this species.

The Rebels

This species consists of anti-society anarchists. When not breaking queues, traveling in ladies’ coach, using elevators and quarreling, they can be observed complaining loudly or mumbling quietly about the world around them (why do ladies travel in general coaches? why is Rajiv Chowk so overcrowded? why do people stand near the doors? why is the AC not working? What is up with that Aesthete?). Mostly in great hurry, the members of their species are generally middle-aged men who are getting forever late for their office and who possess a unique skill-set to board overflowing coaches through closing doors.

The Intellectuals

Members of this species have so much to think about that they have no time for anything else. They can be found sitting or standing looking here and there in expressionless contemplation about everything under the sun. When the sounds and sights around become too much to handle, members of this species close their eyes to reflect with utmost concentration. When doing this, they appear as if they have dozed off because the sex of the previous night took too much time and effort.